Leading with Difference: A New Narrative for Brilliant, Neurodivergent Women
What if leading well didn’t mean masking, but embracing how your brain truly works?
Imagine this… You’re in a high-stakes meeting, offering insights others haven’t even considered. You see patterns no one else sees. You solve problems instinctively. On the outside, you’re sharp, capable, composed.
And yet, under the surface, you’re exhausted. Not from the work itself, but from the effort of keeping up and from constantly adapting to systems that don’t quite fit. Holding it all together. Meeting expectations that never quite fit.
So you tell yourself: I need to be more disciplined. More organised. More normal.
But what if the issue wasn’t how hard you’re trying, but that the models of leadership weren’t built for your kind of brilliance?
The Reality for Many Brilliant, Neurodivergent Women
This is the unspoken truth for many high-achieving women (leaders, professionals, mothers), who are discovering, often in their 30s, 40s or 50s, that they are neurodivergent.
ADHD. Autism. Dyslexia. Dyspraxia. Cognitive differences that have always been there, just never recognised.
These women have led teams, driven change, delivered results. They’ve masked, adapted, achieved. All while quietly wondering why the strategies that seem to work for others don’t seem to work for them.
Many of these women have spent their lives pushing through. Masking. Adapting. Achieving. And silently wondering why the strategies that seem to work for others don’t seem to work for them.
They've built structure, held high expectations, and mastered the art of looking “fine.” Until life shifts. Often motherhood enters the picture and the carefully managed systems collapse under the weight of sleepless nights, mental load, and unpredictability.
Just when they adjust again, perimenopause arrives, bringing brain fog, emotional shifts, and a whole new layer of cognitive challenge.
And through it all, one question quietly returns - “Why does everything feel harder than it used to?”
Here’s the answer. It’s not just you. It’s never been just you.
The Story We Were Told Was Incomplete
For decades, neurodivergence was framed in narrow, stereotypical terms. ADHD as hyperactive boys in classrooms. Autism as a lack of social awareness. Dyslexia as reading trouble. Dyspraxia as clumsiness.
So many women never saw themselves in those stories. They learned to perform. To overcompensate. To mask.
Conversations confusing? Rehearse responses in your head.
Loud offices overwhelming? Push through.
Eye contact that feels exhausting? Make it anyway.
Executive function all over the place? Create elaborate to-do lists, then criticise yourself when you can’t follow them.
The cost of all this? Burnout. Anxiety. Imposter syndrome.
Until, finally, the diagnosis comes, and the past starts to make sense.
The struggle was never about weakness. It was about a world that didn’t see you clearly.
When the Story Becomes Personal
I know this story well because I’ve lived it. And even if you haven’t, chances are you know someone who has.
After my diagnosis, I had to unlearn the stories I’d long believed about myself.
Not focused enough. Not articulate enough. Too quiet, yet too direct. Always fearing I’d be found out.
I came to realise that my brain wasn’t flawed. It was simply different. Insightful. Strategic. Creative.
I stopped performing someone else’s idea of leadership and began embracing my own.
Here’s something I want you to hear! Neurodivergence isn’t a limitation. It’s a different operating system. And leadership needs different operating systems.
When we move beyond forcing brilliant women into narrow definitions of success and instead create spaces where they can truly thrive, we don’t just uplift individuals, we strengthen the entire system.
Reframing How We See Ourselves as Leaders
This isn’t about glossing over challenges. It’s about seeing things clearly and with compassion.
It’s about moving from "What’s wrong with me?" to "What does my version of powerful, authentic leadership look like?"
| Old Narrative | New Narrative |
|---|---|
| Talks too much | Brings energy, processes ideas through dialogue and connection |
| Too quiet | Listens deeply and contributes with clarity and intention |
| Disorganised | Works in fluid, creative ways that allow for flexibility and innovation |
| Too organised | Creates systems to manage complexity and reduce cognitive load |
| Too sensitive | Highly attuned to emotions, environment, and the needs of others |
| Too direct | Communicates with clarity, honesty, and purpose |
| Unfocused | Shifts attention in response to interest, energy, and context |
| Loses track of time | Enters deep flow states that support complex problem-solving and innovation |
| Poor memory | Relies on tools and systems to free up space for deep thinking and strategy |
| Idea-rich, action-light | Sees patterns, trends, and long-term impact |
| Too detail-focused | Notices what others miss; brings rigour and care |
Where We Go From Here
Some of the most creative, strategic and visionary leaders in history had brains that worked differently. They succeeded because of it, not despite of it.
So here’s my invitation to you:
If you’re an employer: Create space for different ways of thinking and leading. Rethink what leadership looks like.
If you’re a colleague: Make room for nuance. Listen deeply. Value what may not be immediately visible.
If you’re a woman recognising yourself in this story: You are not flawed. You are not failing. You are brilliant, and your leadership matters.
Over to You
Where have you been masking without even realising it?
What would it look like to lead in a way that works for you, not against you?
What’s one story about your leadership you’re ready to rewrite?
If this sparked something, I’d love to hear what landed. You’re welcome to join my mailing list, or get in touch to explore how coaching can support you to lead in a way that feels more like you.
